When in doubt, do as Jim Morrison says...

In yoga the other day, my teacher opened the class with a quote by psychiatrist Fritz Perls. He said that, “fear is excitement without the breath. The very same mechanisms that produce excitement also produce fear, and any fear can be transformed into excitement by breathing fully into it.” 

Why, as human beings do we fall victim to our fears?

Fears can manifest themselves differently within every person. Some may feel uneasy about the tiniest thought like being hit by a car while crossing the street...others may be worrisome about what lurks in the dark. Anxiety or feeling depleted...these are all fears manifesting in different ways. 
Fear can be something you dread, some type of tension or anger…the list of synonymous words are endless… as endless as our fears. No matter what it may look like on the surface, no ones journey is free of fears, there will always be things in this world that will cause this emotional state of unease to arise.

When scared, most of us have a tendency to try and get rid of the feeling. We think we can get rid of it by denying or ignoring it, it is our opponent. Fear can defeat life, it can crush a dream in an instant. 

“It is a clever, treacherous adversary. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which is finds with innering ease. It begins in your mind, always. One moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. Then fear, disguised in the garb of mild-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy," (Yann Martel, Life of Pi). 

The curious thing about a fear is that at its base, a fear is basically the mind giving way to something that MIGHT happen, not of something that IS happening CURRENTLY. Your physical body is in the here and now, while your mind (and its ego) is somewhere off in the future (the future that holds our fears). 

The ego creates these endless mind projections that make our coping mechanisms more difficult. 

How do you cope with something that doesn’t even exist?

I am not pretending that I am some enlightened Buddha absent of fear, because I certainly suffer from many. Most currently, I hold a fear of what I am going to do with my life and how my current financial status does not allow me to travel to faraway lands for however long I please. 
The industry I am in leaves me feeling unfulfilled...feeling like I am subjected to a mindless, egotistical, shallow environment with no room to grow as a profession (or be compensated for my efforts). 
When I left my first job at Barneys, I felt a sense of freedom and lightheartedness that I had lost sight of for almost two years. But, ironically, at the same time, I have never felt more scared and/or lost. I remember when I was interviewing for jobs (prior to the one I have) I would leave with a tight chest, shoulders hunched and my mind/emotional state frantically unsettled. This was enough to tell me that these jobs were not what I am supposed to be doing in this life.

Too many of us are tolling away working in these jobs that leave us feeling helpless, powerless and emotionally drained. I don’t want a job that I am not passionate about, life is too short for that.
I wish I could just console all my 20-something friends and say “hey, its going to be okay. We will all figure it out.” 
But in all honestly…what is this “IT” we need to figure out exactly? Is it happiness? Financial security? A steady job? A long term relationship/marriage?This hypothetical idea that life is so linear is honestly at the root of all our confusions and fears. We oddly determine that this focused, linear-way of thinking creates a life with endless comforts, but time and time again…we are proved that these “comforts” are PURELY TEMPORARY.

Clearly, each individual is different in what they want out of life, but in general…at our core and in our hearts…we just want to be happy. To stop being so fearful of life’s “what if’s” and live each moment as we chose it ourselves.

I find it so interesting to ask people, if you could do anything in the world, what would it be? Passion and enthusiasm is hard to come by in this world, unfortunately, so when someone shows just the tiniest hint of zeal, I can't help but feel I know that person just a bit better than before. 

Now, If I were to get asked this, I would have an intense ADHD-fueled-MISH-MOSH of an answer that includes a job with; writing, traveling, music, animals, spirituality, wellness, healing, yoga, helping people, while simultaneously being in different cultures infused with colors of art and life. 

**If anyone knows of a job encompassing all of the above, please call me IMMEDIATELY.**

All I know, is when I am around these #truepeople, life has a lot more light and laughter 

Recently, I was at Summercamp Music Festival in Chillicothe, Illinois trying to find the way back to the campsite after a show. It was pitch black out, but I refused for the person I was walking with to take out his phone or any sort of light, telling him “no no no, it’s okay, we will sense the way back, I know it. We don’t neeed that light, we will know the way when it comes to us.”
Yes…I was drunk, but maybe I was onto something…maybe sometimes we can be blindly walking down a path and then an obstacle, a detour, or a sharp turn appears that forces us to expand our minds and hearts to see and feel differently than before.

In the Buddhism philosophy, fear is referred to as duhka, which basically stresses that we, as humans are inherent to experience unease and fear considering so much of life is completely beyond our control. Buddhists don’t see this lack of control as “good” or “bad,” but something that “just is.” You accept reality as it is and in time…our temporary state of fear, anger, suffering or unease will subside.
Right now, in my mid-20’s, I am just starting out this adult life, I really don’t have anything to lose…If I am going to fuck up, then I better do it now while I have plenty of time to regain my balance and energy.
In the meantime of figuring this all out,

“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free," (Jim Morrison). 

Stay tuned as I accept the inevitability of life/death/time/change and continue on my winding road of life. 

"Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you seeIt's getting hard to be someone, but it all works outIt doesn't matter much to me" Strawberry Fields Forever